I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
