Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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