the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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