I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
