he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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