I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
