I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
