If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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