How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
