When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
