I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
