My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
