I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
