Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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