In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
