im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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