i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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