I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
