I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The air was thick with penises
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
