You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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