I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
