Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
