Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
