what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
