Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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