That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Terrible idea I love it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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