he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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