Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
