ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
