I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize