He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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