capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
