so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
