Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?