I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
