thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"