Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.