Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.