i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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