There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
