i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
