i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
