i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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