I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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