escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
