What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
