yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
