she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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