Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
