At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i will never coherently bang her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
