as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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