I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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