im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
