I think I won the penis lottery.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
