Will you blow on my dice?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
