i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
