Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
