I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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