you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
