I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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