A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
