you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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