I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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