I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
