I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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