Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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