dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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