I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
