im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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