how hairy? two words: wookie tits
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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