I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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