I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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