I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
