On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
