I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
