Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
