i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
