How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
