maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
