almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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