Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
