Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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