I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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