if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize