I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
